If there were an emotional gymnastics category in the Olympics, I would bring home the gold. I’ve been training for years.


You’re the scarf her hand lingers on briefly, trying to figure out if it suits her. He’s her favorite hoodie she never leaves home without.

I Freaking Love Roller Derby

Love it. Hands down. Here’s an abridged list of everything I love about derby.

Derby is woman-owned, woman-oriented. The best skaters you can think of are women. The leaders of your league are women. Your mentors are women. And guess what, punks? It’s working! And GROWING! And appealing to a diverse audience! And WE did that.

Derby takes all shapes and sizes. There’s a place for everyone. Seriously, I’m pretty short, and there’s nothing more intimidating than jamming into a pack of giant opposing players. Men-folk quarterbacks can relate. Are you a big girl who has wondered how she’ll be received in a new sport? Derby needs you! Are you super skinny? We need you! Are you in-between? Get your sweet ass over here! I wanna build a wall with it! Unlike most women’s sports, that were made for men and adapted for women, roller derby was designed to showcase the strengths of the female body – legs, hips, booties, and balance. WE get to define what athleticism means for us!

There’s aggression and competition, but little to no animosity. The girl who hit you hardest on the track is the first to buy you a beer at the after party. Hugs and high-fives all around! (*sidenote: we just had our SVRG end-of-the-year holiday party and guess which award I won? Magical Hippie Smile Rainbow Club – who would guess?)

It’s not just a sport, it’s performance! Really! We get costumes and characters. It’s the theater of the game that typically draws people in. When you lace up your skates and slip your mouth guard on, you take on a new character. Oh, your day job is at the library? Now you are freaking BARBARIAN LIBRARIAN (**what’s up SCDG!).

Quad skates make it really easy to do the Moonwalk!

And finally, because SVRG is skater-owned and operated, we can all have the opportunity to grow as leaders in an organization. We are a non-profit, and we need to do everything that any other non-profit does: raise funds, publicize, build relationships, raise more funds, community service, hold events, and raise more funds! There’s no limit to the number of leadership experiences you can add to your resume. Just raise your hand and you’ve got a job. And you didn’t even have to score an interview first.

This is an abridged list! Feel free to add your own in the comments.
For more information about Silicon Valley Roller Girls, visit svrollergirls.com

Photo by Donalee Eiri, D.E.sign

Yes, I (Still) Harbor a Love-Hate Relationship With My Body. Ugh.

I am a woman.

I grew up in America.

Ergo, I have a complicated relationship with my body. We have a history, which includes bad times and good times and mixed emotions.

This phrasing is awkward (After all, when did “my body” and “me” become separate entities? Answer: I don’t know, I guess when English was invented by that notorious patriarch, Mr. English); yet, every other woman in America knows what I’m talking about. If your relationship with your body is not complicated, well, congratulations, but I bet you know someone whose is.

I remember being about 13 years old when I first looked in the mirror and thought that I looked fat, and that that was an undesirable trait. I told my mom so, and she scolded me (a rare occurrence in my house): “You are not going to start with this now. You’re too young for this.” Her intentions were good, but her message was clear: growing into a woman meant that I would eventually join the flocks of women who hate their bodies. That’s just what a woman does.

This is how happy and beautiful we are supposed to look eating zero calories.

I didn’t know much about losing weight. I took up running – even though I hated it. Some days I would force myself to bring only raw broccoli and carrots to school in a Tupperware and leave my money at home, so that I would have no other option but to consume zero calories. I went to the gym and read Cosmopolitan on the treadmill, learning about all the ways my body was imperfect and all the products I could buy to fix it. I put my mental math skills to use on that treadmill, calculating over and over how much time it would take to burn off the beer I drank that weekend. Regardless, I never got out of the “overweight”category and this made me feel even more guilty. This is all typical white girl stuff – I know plenty of people who have a similar journey and some are living this life right now.

I started drinking coffee in college alongside my rigorous work-out routine – I lost 15 pounds and remember telling anyone who’d listen that I had found the secret. Of course, I gained it all back. I was in college!

I didn’t really start accepting my body until I moved out here to California. I think it was just being away from my past in Ohio that allowed me to let it all go. I began to enjoy running because I didn’t force myself to do it – I ate whatever I could afford on my AmeriCorps stipend, so I didn’t have anything to feel guilty about. Roller derby became a huge part of my life. In fact, sometimes at practice, I catch myself wishing that I had more weight on me, so I could hit harder and absorb the hits easier – how many American women can say they’ve ever had that thought?

My body would never be featured in a magazine, but I stopped caring. I have cellulite – so what? I feel beautiful regardless. A friend whose body I’ve always envied even confessed to me how much she envies mine – that was a surprise!¬†Things were looking up for my body and me!

Even this PSA warning thinks women my size are fat.

Unfortunately, my recent transition out of AmeriCorps and into a new workplace has shaken this great relationship I have with my body. For the summer, I’m working as an RA to a STEM academy for minority high schoolers. It’s a 24/6 kind of a thing – an all-encompassing environment and now, I can’t escape my co-workers’ body hang-ups. The hottest topic of discussion is how fat this food makes you, or how someone is trying to give up red meat, or how we really should work out today. The constant moralizing of our food intake and exercise routine is bringing up issues for me that I thought I had locked away for good.

And the thing that bothers me most is that we are supposed to be mentors to the students, and instead we are passing on our insecurities and guilt over consumption on to them, and at such a delicate age. Some of the RAs have put together a whole lesson to shame students for what they do to their bodies. The lesson requires the students to track everything they eat for two days (I remember doing that voluntarily in high school, and how terrible it made me feel). Girls are getting up at 5:30am to go running with the RAs. Freshmen in high school are being shamed for eating red meat, because “it stays in your system for 30 days,” (a Google-able urban legend).

This is how society teaches us to be women. Just like I learned when I was 13. You hate your body; your body is a source of guilt and fear. I can’t stand to think of how many hours of our lives women waste in front of a mirror, criticizing ourselves, moralizing our diets, and directing perfectly good conversations to self-deprecation. I don’t like the way this is going for me. I want to get out of here as soon as I can so I can stay in love with my body. Any tips out there for a fairly fierce feminist, trying to escape this environment of self-hate? I think just writing it down helps, logicking it away, but I could use some thoughtful discussion on the topic right about now.